Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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