This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
