possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
