And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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