you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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