you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
