She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have fence marks all over my body
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
