fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You ate ashes out of my bong
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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