Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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