I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
