If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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