well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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