just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
