I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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