I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
