Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
