Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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