I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
