I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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