her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
