I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
