When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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