i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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