The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
