im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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