hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
