I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
