DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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