she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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