Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
