Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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