You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
