I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
