We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
where are my eyebrows?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
