Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
