the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
