my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
