I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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