chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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