I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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