Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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