I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
