So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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