I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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