She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
