and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
