just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He better not be in your backpack
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
