Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i think my cat just said my name.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
