Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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