I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
