Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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