good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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